A Charmed Life


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an open letter

Dear friends-who-have-children

I am not a mother.
I always assumed I would be.
But the universe didn’t see it that way.
And now, I have found peace with my reality.

I am not a mother.
But my life is not any less significant than yours just because you procreated.
And I write to you today, for the sake of our relationship, to ask for some consideration.

The same consideration I give you every time you call and then proceed to hang up two minutes into our conversation to attend to your crying child. The same consideration I give when you cancel our rare night out at the last night minute when your kid is poorly. The same consideration I give when we Face Time and you stick your little one on ‘to amuse’ me while you run around doing laundry.

Look, I get it. Your time is tight, you are sleep deprived and your priority, rightly so is your family; I understand this and I do not begrudge you your life. I don’t mind our short punctuated conversations that are mostly centered on the chaos (your word) that is your life, and I am fine having to be the one who schleps across town (or the world) to see you and it’s no problem picking up milk on my way. I don’t mind your offspring joining us as we catch up. I am happy to be the fun aunty. I will even babysit for you. I am not even bothered when your tot spills juice on my Gucci tote (well not that bothered).

But hello remember me? Please do not dismiss my life as less than. You are right I don’t know all that goes into raising a child, but please don’t say my life is easier or less complicated than yours. Understand when you had your child not only did your life change, so too did mine. I understand our relationship cannot function as it did but I need for you to spend an incey bit of that tight time considering me – we’re thinking of getting a dog, our search for a bigger house continues, I’m taking barre classes, I’m considering a career change, I heard the funniest story, I’m finally doing the business mentoring I’ve talked about for years, Orange may be in right now but it is still the most hideous colour, got tickets to see Hedda Gabler at the National remember when we had to act it out at school? I had to have a hs-CRP test to check my protein levels, what about Corrie seriously how clueless can Eileen be about yet another guy and what about that xenophobe campaigning for President in the US scary stuff  – this is my life, it all means something to me, it used to mean something to you. I need you to hear me every now and then or at least just tell me its gonna be alright. The last thing I want to do is put more pressure on you but just a little consideration please!

Love your friend-who-does-not-have-children

And Talking about scary stuff, less than two months! The most insane show on this planet comes to its climax in less than two months, then depending on the outcome we may have to endure a second show, I’ve given it a working title – The End of Everything Good. Seriously though, when you consider the candidacy for an elected official you are never going to like everything about the person. As long as we are able to think for ourselves we will always have own unique views, so voting is a process of who represents you best based on information you have. We know more about Hillary Rodham Clinton than any other candidate in any election in any country ever – FACT. I’m a fan, something I have never made a secret of but even I have been disappointed in her at times, like with her flip flopping over the years on the issue of same sex marriage (she got there in the end) so yes absolutely she is as flawed as you and I, but speaking of flaws consider the alternative. I’m not saying anything new here, however it is my duty as a concerned citizen of the world to speak up and keep speaking up for all that is pure, honest and good. Think about how Hitler rose to power and all the evil he unleashed and then consider all the similarities the GOP nominee has so far with him…  Americans, this election comes down to one question: What kind of human being are you? #I’mWithHer #YouShouldBeToo #ObamaOutHillaryIn  To know me is to know I covet Gwyneth Paltrow’s legs oops I mean wardrobe, so how excited am I she has released a clothing line and made it so accessible. Now if I can only grow longer legs! #VeryExcited #GOOPGeek  2016 the year of loss continues. Gene Wilder, oh what memories – the characters you gave us, the comedy you created especially with that other cool kid Richard Pryor pure magic. Charmian Carr – I still parade around in an imaginary gazebo, beloved Liesel forever sixteen going on seventeen. So long farewell Gene and Charmian thank you for the gems you leave us.


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this kiwi girl muses about… travelling

laters

I am currently sat amongst a pile of clothes preparing for my next trip wishing vehemently for a packing genie. Even though I have travelled a lot I have still not managed to learn the knack of packing and as such I find it the most laborious task. I do love to travel though, I risk sounding like a cliché but travelling – whether it be alone or with company, for work or pleasure – has bettered my experience of life and I have gained many valuable life skills while traipsing around the globe.

I am fortunate in that I have travelled practically from the moment I was born, that is par for the course when you are Indian with a South African mother and New Zealander for a father and a load of relatives and family friends scattered around the world. I learnt from an early age the need to be flexible and to adapt quickly when travelling; in my time I have endured an unplanned military enforced 48 hour layover (Addis Ababa), had snow cancelling flights (London to Toronto thrice), landed at the wrong airport due to an incorrect booking (Sandefjord instead of Oslo), been abandoned after missing the last train to my hotel after a Madonna concert and ended up spending the night in a railway station which locked its toilet doors through the night (Osaka), missed a flight due to the check in desk having the incorrect ESTA information (London to New York), ended up at the wrong wedding venue (Montreux) and in some very questionable situations (too many cities to mention). Its the nature of the beast with travel and all you can do is trust your gut and hopefully have a laugh about it.

One aspect I love about travelling is immersing myself in the local culture; from a young age my father instilled in me an interest in countries around the world. I could recite the states of America and all the English counties by age 6 as well as being able to state cities and their location on a map of New Zealand. Still today I can list the provinces of Canada, the five great lakes, every country and most of their capitals and political regimes around the world – all remnants from my younger years so I am inherently curious to see how other cultures exist. I have learnt a smile goes a long way as does communication – often there is a lot of hand gesturing, sometimes broken local tongue and sometimes like in the US – you be like ‘I can see your mouth moving, I think you’re speaking English but I have no clue what you are saying,’ but it is always appreciated.

Travelling with the right companion can be a lot of fun but sometimes good friends can turn out to be the worst travel partners as I learnt when I once travelled with a friend to Borneo. Although we did have some fab moments the trip was marred for me by her lack of an opinion – her general attitude was ‘whatever you want to do,’ lack of cultural sensitivity and at times lack of common sense, one time she left our hotel room while I was in the shower taking the room key – the key which only powered the room – leaving me to continue my shower in the dark with cold water. Then there was the first time I went to Bali with uni friends, a trip my girlfriends and I spent months planning each of us looking forward to a relaxing time after an exhausting uni year. Turns out their idea of relaxing was not quite the same as mine for they proceeded to spend our entire holiday pursuing men leaving me to beach, eat, sightsee pretty much on my own.

It wasn’t the girls’ trip we had planned but it turned out to be alright actually for I have realised as much as I love people, I do love my own company and as such travelling alone can be quite fun. I have the freedom to do exactly what I want especially as I tend to not love what everyone else does; take the Mona Lisa for example it was only on my fifth maybe sixth trip to Paris that I ventured to the Louvre. Seeing the da Vinci painting has never been of interest to me, not when there is so much else to do in the City of Light… rambling through Père Lachaise, sitting in cafes people watching, taking in exhibits at the Pompidou Centre, or the street art everywhere or… oh I could go on and on, I mean come on its Paris! I also quite enjoy the confronting situations travelling solo can present as it puts me in the way of new adventures and meeting new people. One of my most memorable nights came about on a work trip to Toronto when I found myself at a sports bar on the night of the Super Bowl (the year the Saints won), by the end of said night – which may or may not have been aided by a lot of beer – I had eaten my first chilli dog, hit a bullseye, danced a top the bar Coyote Ugly-style, learnt how to change a keg, and befriended many patrons and we still keep in touch today. That is the other plus with travelling the best moments happen when you least expect them.

Although… having fallen ill in Moscow, Zanzibar and Toronto, I can faithfully say being sick when travelling is the absolute worst.

Whatever the experience travelling is always an adventure and yet I think the most important lesson I have learnt from my travels is that it doesn’t matter where I travel to or where I call home, I come from a pretty cool corner of the world. This girl may be an abysmal packer but she is most definitely a very proud kiwi.

Sat Nam

Also…   still on the travel theme, one part of the world I have never been interested in exploring is the Middle Eastern region. As beautiful and rich in history it is, as a woman I have only held contempt for that oppressive part of the world but the refugee crisis has opened my mind and my heart to these people. You may have noticed through my previous blog posts that I have no respect for the Saudi Arabian regime. Their treatment of Ali Mohammed Baqir al-Nim is abominable. For the life of me it does not compute why the powers that be continue to have so much freedom from western and neighbouring countries when freedom is so little afforded to their own people. Okay I’m not a complete eejit I know there is money, oil, arms deals, sales of other defence equipment, education and prison reform contracts and such like ilk that comes into play at least I am assuming that is why the world has turned a blind eye to the situation the Saudi-lead airstrikes has created in Yemen for the past year. But here’s the bit I do not understand, if you wouldn’t sell arms to Assad in Syria, why is it okay to sell arms to the Saudis? Is Yemen to suffer like Syria has? When does it end? #DutyOfCare #GlobalCitizen #TheyCouldBeUS #WeCouldBeThem ♥ So another Bridget Jones movie is about to be released. One question ‘WHY?’ The second one has the dubious distinction of being the first and so far only movie I have ever walked out of. So I’ll ask again ‘WHY?’ #WantonSexGoddess – pleeeaaassse, excuse me while I puck ♥ In the last few months I have been following The Anonymous Revolutionary a blog by remarkable sixteen year old Max Edwards. In his blog Max wrote on the themes of Marxism, communism, their significance and their relevance today and at times, all of the time actually it was hard to believe it was written by someone so young such was his incite. To think of all this gifted lad could have achieved is heartbreaking for Max died on 26 March of the cancer that had been eating away at him. Though he be gone, his words remain, and you can read them here #MaxEdwardsWasHere #FuckYouCancer ♥ When I heard of The People vs O.J. Simpson I thought ‘WTF!’ Everyone knows the story, we saw it play out for real back in the day. The evidence was clear – he absolutely did it. I even made a bet with a fellow uni friend that he would get convicted, that is how sure I was. Well as history tells us I was wrong. I hadn’t banked on factors like racism nor the manipulation of the law that the defence team were clearly masterful at. It was a sore bet to lose because it was so bittersweet. Two people were murdered. The killer walked free. Yet like a voyeur I did watch the serial and I particularly enjoyed all the wig action STILL it blows that there has been no justice for Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman and their loved ones. While I am talking about television I want to give a big up to Black Sails, having just binge-watched all three seasons over Easter. I have always been a bit partial to a pirate tale but this show with its strong plotlines, epic battles, steamy sex scenes and hot pirates (Toby Stephens still yummy after all these years) well it had me at Ahoy, there matey.


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it takes all sorts

toxic

This topic was born out of my frustration with an individual in present day, but the more I think about it and write I find myself taking a trip down memory lane.

You know when you think about a person and there is generally one word that can sum them up like lovable aunt or graceful friend or in my case a nutcase (I’m kidding… well I hope I am). When I was little we had(have?) this family friend and the word that immediately comes to mind for this auntie, based on my interaction with her, is toxic. To my young mind every word that came out of her mouth was mean spirited, she was a proper mean girl.

To me personally she never missed an opportunity to knock my private school education, and to deride me for not being a real New Zealander for not learning Maori – the native language of New Zealand (both are kind of ironic as I explain later on) and I was always too skinny. It wasn’t so much what she said – because I always look back at my school days with delight and I am appreciative that my parents ensured I learnt Gujarati which is the language of my Indian heritage, and I like that I was skinny – but it was in her delivery, open hostility and it wasn’t only directed at me. She would throw her negativity out to everyone from what I remember and like a dog senses danger, as a child I knew to keep clear of her.

As an adult I have learnt you never know what a person is going through until you have walked in their shoes so it is not my intention to slight this person’s character. Besides she wasn’t all bad, one year after I had complained that Indians don’t celebrate Christmas properly, she threw me a Christmas party (with her husband as Father Christmas) and my Christmas present from them, a comprehensive atlas, was most treasured right into my late teens.

I use this auntie by way of illustration for toxic people are everywhere; they are family members, people we work with, people we socialise with and sometimes toxic people are us. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them, and others seem to derive pleasure from creating chaos and pushing other people’s buttons. I know for a fact the toxic individual who inspired this post will read this and instead of recognising their toxicity, point to others who are.

A person is never all bad; a toxic person or a person who exhibits toxic behaviour is unhappy and when they are being toxic, they are in fight or flight mode. This unhappiness makes them lash out because they lack the awareness to say ‘I’m unhappy,’ ‘something’s not right here,’ or ‘help!’ It is my experience toxic people in addition to being deeply unhappy, live in fear and most likely lack emotional intelligence –  the toxicity that emanates from them is always about them. Even though being on the receiving end can be hurtful, it’s never personal. You will never change the toxic person, that they must do themselves, but you have a choice how you show up in any situation:

‘Don’t let toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out.’

Limit the interaction. Actively limiting your physical distance from the individual is the easiest and most effective way to keep yourself from being directly affected. In recent years I’ve had to walk away from a longstanding friendship because I found the other party’s toxicity was pervading into my energy, making me feel all kinds of negative. It wasn’t that I hated her, it was that I loved me more. I chose me and I feel better for it. BUT when this is not an option:

Practice self awareness. Falling into their drama is fruitless but when you pay attention to your own emotional state, you can better equip yourself with the tools to deal with toxic people. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t recognize when it’s happening and because toxic behaviour tends to be predictable, once you are able to maintain an emotional distance it becomes easier to see the patterns and manage the situation. You might need to stop and regroup or you might be fine to proceed, either way you will be in control. It’s tough not to react because it’s a human thing to do, but being self aware is key to keeping your sanity so it’s worth it.

Rise above the negativity. Toxic people defy logic, there is no reasoning with their crazy so there is no point getting caught up in the mix. Getting back to my auntie and those two examples I gave – me not speaking Maori and going to private school – well she herself was not born and bred in New Zealand and to my knowledge did not speak Maori AND imagine my surprise years later when I discovered she had sent her youngest child to private school. Seriously ignore the crazy and respond only to the facts.

Establish boundaries. Toxic people try to consume you and make you swim deep into their problems, but you have a choice to not join their pity party. If you set boundaries and decide when and how you will engage a toxic person, you can control much of the crazy. The trick is to stick to your guns and keep boundaries in place when the person tries to encroach upon them, which they will. Know when to engage. Know when to walk away.

Surround yourself with the right others. You don’t have to go it alone. Build your tribe, of people who support what you value and who support you in creating what it is you want.

It takes all sorts to make this planet of ours go round, every person teaches us something and toxic people are actually our greatest teachers, even if it is only to make us look at our own behaviour and understand better how we can raise our vibration.

Sat Nam


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for Eve and for Adam

always.jpg

When I first started this blog, I knew one day I would write about Eve and Adam, two people who are no longer with us but who deserve to be remembered not least for the impact they made on my life.

Once upon a time in the 80s there was a little girl called Eve who had been born premature and one of the life-saving blood transfusions she was given at birth infected her with a then little known virus. Unfortunately she lived in an ignorant country where, because of the stigma attached to this virus, people would cross the road to avoid being in close contact with her and they made it difficult for her to do normal kiddie activities like going to kindergarten. This prejudice eventually led to Eve and her family moving countries to somewhere she would be embraced and know nothing but love.

The ignorant country was Australia, the welcoming country was New Zealand and the little known virus was HIV. Eve would live till she was eleven and half and in her short lifetime she would touch many hearts including that of Princess Diana and mine. I never got to meet Eve but I collected stories about her from magazines and would watch her television interviews because back then I guess you could say she became the unofficial face of HIV/AIDS in New Zealand.

It was because of Eve I gave a speech on AIDS to my form two class, it was 1986 I was twelve and I remember writing with a thick black marker pen ‘AIDS’ by my name as my speech topic. I’m not sure why I felt compelled to choose it except that I knew Eve had been treated badly and that there was a stigma attached to this illness which I didn’t understand – my logic then (and still) was someone was sick they needed to be helped and loved no matter what. As for the speech, I had to have most of what I ended up saying, first explained to me by my aunt who was a nurse; imagine being that young and trying to understand the workings of the immune system and male coupling (I didn’t even know about heterosexual sex and here I was learning about male on male action!) After this informative and somewhat shocking education, I had to recite my finished speech in front of my teacher and headmistress so they could deem it appropriate before I was allowed to give it in front of my class. To both their credit they didn’t censor me at all, in fact they were both really encouraging.

I have often wondered if, because of this encouragement and my aunt’s thorough explanation, that is why I never got caught up in the controversy of HIV/AIDS, because haters were all around me, remember this was in the 80s when there was very little known about it, no cure in sight, very little funding provided by governments around the world to find a cure yet millions of people dying – which combined created widespread ignorance. I remember this one DJ on the radio who without fail whenever he played a WHAM song would follow up with ‘and that was by We Help AIDS Multiply,’ wonder how his life turned out, karma’s a bitch.

To this day that speech I gave is the one I am most proud of and I have given a fair few in my time. In hindsight knowing how much intolerance there has been and still is with HIV/AIDS, I am proud that I stood up against the haters. Because of Eve I would continue to be an advocate for the AIDS cause, and I still am.

♥♥♥

Then there was my Adam. Still feels wrong to use the past tense in regards to him. To know him was to know a very present person, his being filled every room he walked into. Adam and I met in our teens and we bonded over our love for Madonna, Basquiat, Keith Haring and Mapplethorpe. We would talk for hours about taking a trip together to New York to see the works of our favourite artists and watch Madonna perform at Madison Square Garden and we spent many a Friday night dancing away at Wellington staple Alfie’s. Our friendship grew distant when he moved to London to do his OE but we kept in touch via the odd letter – well letters from me. I think in the whole time he was away I got maybe three postcards from him. Then after four years away, he slipped quietly back to New Zealand and settled down to suburban life with his boyfriend. I caught up with him a few times but I had moved on in my life so our catch ups got rarer and rarer until they stopped.

About a year after having had no contact I bumped into his mother and I asked after Adam. She looked at me with such sadness that I felt a pang in my heart. She went on to tell me he was unwell and that he would love to hear from me. I can’t remember why but I didn’t make contact with him for another three months. When I did, he invited me over to his house and I remembering thinking it odd because we had never been to each other’s homes before, but the reason for the home invite became plainly obvious the second I stepped into his bedroom.

My friend Adam was a beautiful boy, he had modelled briefly in Europe that’s how beautiful he was on the outside and on the inside his soul was equally beautiful, he had such natural charm and gentleness. I think I was always a little in love with him. This was the Adam in my mind as I walked through his house not the man I saw lying in bed, so altered by illness, so frail I thought he would break when I hugged him, I was so shocked my grief caused my body to convulse. After many tears I learnt he was dying of AIDS. It remains one of the most surreal moments of my life. That night I slept beside him holding his brittle hand. I remember I kept waking up through the night to check if he was still breathing. He died less than three weeks later.

♥♥♥

I was twelve years old when I first heard of Eve’s plight and illness, through her I learnt social responsibility. I was in my twenties when my Adam died of AIDS and he is missed every day (every time I go to New York, it isn’t the same without him). For Eve and for Adam and for the others who are no longer with us and for those who continue to live in different stages of this disease I continue to be a wearer of the red ribbon and an activist for an AIDS free generation. #WorldAIDSDay #GlobalCitizen #WeCanBeatThis

Sat Nam


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she will need her sisterhood

I think Chelsea Handler and I would make very good friends – she is my kind of gal. Absolutely love her putting Piers Morgan in his place (he really is a horrible man isn’t he?) and I enjoy her self-deprecating manner (‘Uganda be kidding me’ makes for compelling reading in a completely ‘are you for real’ way) but what has totally endeared her to me is her belief in the sisterhood. I belong to the sisterhood and I bang on about it all the time. I’m lucky I have really really great girlfriends around me, friends I have collected since preschool. As I have got older, my relationships with these girls have become sacrosanct for it is through them I have learnt the true meaning of friendship. They support me, they share my memories, they validate me, they are my secret keepers, they love me no matter what. Anyway I digress this is not meant to be a love letter to my girlfriends.

What was I saying? Ah yes the sisterhood. For me there are two types of woman; those that believe in the sisterhood and those that don’t. To put it bluntly ladies – you are either a Jennifer or an Angelina. Brad really went from one extreme to the other didn’t he? From a gal who is surrounded by other women (coincidentally a BF of Chelsea) to someone who by her own admission doesn’t have girlfriends. To me and this is only my opinion, if you are a girl, and you don’t have close girlfriends something doesn’t gel. Intuitively I can always spot what type a woman is within seconds of meeting her and I have never been wrong.  I find that I have a general mistrust of those that fall into the Angelina mould and I automatically distance myself from them. As Chelsea says ‘Girls hang out with other girls, girls hang out with guys but you hang out with girls first that’s what happens on the playground.’

Without girlfriends who else do you talk to about PMT, orgasms or lack thereof or your latest one night stand. Whose shoulder do you cry on when a relationship goes pants? Who do you rehash the latest episode of Revenge with? Who else calls you up on your bull shit? Apart from perhaps your significant other who else can you truly be yourself with? There is so much you miss out on when you don’t have a girlfriend, it’s kind of sad actually. There is so much to be gained through the sisterhood in all stages of one’s life. I will leave the last word to Gloria Steinem ‘Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That’s their natural and first weapon. She will need her sisterhood.’

Love


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see – Last Vegas

LVI know l know I fancy myself a bit of a film critic lately, promise you it was not planned. It’s just with me flying all over the place I am seeing a lot of plane movies. The latest one being Last Vegas which I enjoyed for two reasons – my penchant for silver foxes and the forever friends factor.

Now I have already laid myself bare when it comes to admitting I have a thing for older men so give me a movie with four of them – how could I pass that up? The scene when Kevin Kline’s Sam gets pursued by a twenty something – I totally get; only if it was me I would be going for Michael Douglas’ Billy. Michael Douglas and I go back to Romancing the Stone days – he was hot then and he ain’t doing too badly now. He’s with Catherine isn’t he?

The second reason I loved this movie was the fact that these four friends are still connected after some sixty years of friendship. I loved the camaraderie and genuine love these guys had for each other. I can totally relate for, quite aside from the fact that when we get together our time is full of Las Vegas like antics: I have that connection with my girlfriends and I pray we still have that togetherness when we are in our twilight years. Pretty sure we could fit in a Vegas trip at some point too.

See Last Vegas: If you want to smile and watch something that is light and good fun go see this movie.  

Love


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what would you tell your younger self?

Dr Seuss21.jpg

When we are in our teens we are in such a hurry to be older, whether it is peer pressure and/or a need to develop a sense of self. We use fake ids to get into bars/nightclubs, we drink alcohol, have sex, dress provocatively, learn to drive as soon as we are legally allowed to and we shun the very life that we lived up to that point. It is no longer cool to play last card with your brother, or to jump on trampolines, or stay at home watching tele on a Friday night. We then go through our twenties and muddle through life experiences being ‘grown ups’ and slowly this ‘living’ thing starts to make sense. If we are lucky in our thirties we see our goals being accomplished and/or we have a greater understanding of who we are OR maybe we don’t overthink life so much and just continue to drift into what the next situation brings – whatever rocks your boat, we are all on different journeys as long as we reach our bliss doesn’t really matter how we get there.

Something else happens in your thirties though, something we can all relate to in some way:  we begin to wish we were younger. On the eve of turning forty I have been thinking about my journey, feeling nostalgic and emotional, at times wondering if I would have done anything different if I had a chance for a do over… ANSWER: No way, I love where I am right now and it would not have been possible if I hadn’t been on this very ride I’m on BUT I do have some advice for the younger me…

…Right now you are in such a hurry to finish studying and leave New Zealand, because you feel like you are in the arse end of the world and nothing ever happens here but to really appreciate new experiences you need to APPRECIATE and be grateful for where you come from and you will… eventually. You will even support the All Blacks, be excited for the burgeoning film industry there, be grateful that you grew up near water/beaches and nature and be proud to tell people that you come from little ol’ New Zealand. You will never love your accent though!

You won’t understand this till you are older and had some distance but you have had a privileged upbringing surrounded by family and friends who adore you. That is precious, you are nothing without these people. BE GRATEFUL AND NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS you care about as much as you can NOW especially that with your grandma because your heart will ache for her for the rest of your life once she is gone.

Grow your hair, the Dolores O’Riorden (The Cranberries)/Natalie Imbruglia look is fine but you are so much prettier with longer hair – the boys think so too ;-).

Do not bury your head in the sand when it comes to your health. Do not ignore medical advice or your brother, get medical insurance the first time he tells you to. You never know when you will need it and you will need it.

Failing is winning. Set backs are just set ups for the future accomplishments. Every experience, every opportunity, every love – trust your gut and embrace it all for it will be the making of you. Learn to LIVE IN THE MOMENT from this very second so you are present for the memories.

Learn to love your birthday, people are well-intentioned and they only want to make the day you entered the world special for you so bask in their love, and say thank you. So simple right? I promise if you do this you will notice a change in thinking in a good way.

One more thing: It make be many many years, take you around the world and who knows how much money but the Madonna thing (some call it an obsession) will come to an end. Yeah it really does, bet that hurts a little to hear but do you really need to see her more than once or twice? Just think what else you could be doing with your energy and moola.

Above all don’t fret, the universe always has your back and you – you turn out alright.

Love


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my partner in crime

Feeling a little nostalgic this week because it is big birthday for a dear friend of mine; someone best described as my partner in crime through my formative years.

I met my partner in crime when we were about four years old and we became fast friends and that was probably just as well, because on account of our last names starting with ‘KAN’ we were stuck together throughout our primary, secondary and tertiary schooling. I am lucky I never had to worry about being friendless on the first day of a new school or being without someone to eat lunch with because I always could rely on my partner in crime. I’m not sure what made us like each other, but knowing the people we have grown into I can see that we have strong personalities and we both love to talk so I guess it was like attracts like. And oh yes! That talking, that got us into trouble practically everywhere we went. Teachers would separate us, parent/teacher evenings meant trouble for sure, we would get hushed in the cinema and I’m sure we have been kicked out of public places.

We got up to plenty of mischief; wagging, stealing, detention, inventing our own language (of sounds) so we could communicate across the classroom and then some.. and it was always good fun. Whether it was racing home from uni to watch ‘The Love Boat’ or ‘Days of our Lives’ or just hanging out – all I really remember is laughing. She was and still is good like that – can always induce rip roaring laughter that will leave you keeling over in tears.

My memories of our friendship are long but I remember two instances when she was totally there for me. The first was when I lost a good friend at a young age.  She took it upon herself to cheer me up by way of a driving lesson. I remember she took me to some warehouse car park near the airport and ‘showed’ me how to drive with her right leg out the window. Needless to say I didn’t learn how to drive that day but I did laugh.  Then there was another time when I lost my beloved grandma in New Zealand when I was living in London therefore unable to grieve with my family. It was she who swept me up and took me back to her place and made me watch bad kiwi movies. I’m not sure I exactly laughed more like cringed but she was the perfect person to have around me in my time of need.

She is the perfect pick me up friend, the perfect fun friend, the perfect just gets it friend, the perfect partner in crime and it gives me so much pleasure to know that all these years later that not even oceans can keep us apart. So from one KAN to another KAN – here’s to the next forty and beyond dear friend!

Love 


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rain, my friend

Rain.jpgSure it can hamper plans or ruin your hair but I can never be sad when it rains. In or out – I’m not fussed – I love watching it and I love being in it. I think it is a probably a throwback to growing up in Wellington, where it always rains but I don’t think I will ever be too old to jump in puddles or love the feeling of rain on my face – it makes me feel alive and present. In recent years rain has become my special friend always popping up when I’m in a waiting room to keep me company. Forget old magazines and the people coming and going, I much prefer to look out the window. AND somehow almost without fail, it is like my friend knows that a distraction is needed so it comes along to put a smile on my face like a giant comforter. Together we laugh at the chaos it causes in the street down below as people manoeuvre their way through the umbrella traffic; and together we look on in awe as nature works it magic as birds bathe, grass grows and plants are nurtured…  oh how I love rain.

Love