A Charmed Life

i wonder


Sometimes I look at my smart phone and wonder at its smartness; it allows people to talk to me, to see me, it plays music, takes me through my yoga routine, checks me in when I fly, lets me catch up on Eastenders and… well actually it might be easier listing what it doesn’t do, it really is the little gadget that could. 

I do that a lot though – wonder. I often allude in this blog to changes that I made in the last few years, and even though there were specific events that transpired to make me have to change, in hindsight all I really did was pare down my life significantly. I have tried to let go of anything that which did not serve me, be it people, possessions or vibes. The effect has been quite surprising, where I assumed paring down would make my world smaller, it has had the opposite effect in that my life feels bigger. I best describe myself as one who was drowning and who then – by letting go – was able to float to the top to breathe and breathe possibly for the first time in my adult life. This left me lighter, grateful and gift of gifts – in a state of wonder. I mean this in a wondrous wonder way, not the kind of wonder most of us have as we consider how long we must put up with tiny hands oops agent orange oops lord voldemort oops hair force one oops predator in chief oops well you know he who must not be named.

The kind of wonder children do so naturally, the kind of wonder we forget when we become adults bogged down by the minutiae of life and yet, the universe never gives up on us it keeps giving us plenty to wonder about, every single moment of every single day. So happily I give myself over to wonder; be it in the joy on the faces of young orphans as they see themselves reflected back to them on my smart phone or looking up at a magenta sky or in knowing the crossword answer to 2d fifteenth Greek letter when I couldn’t possibly know (it is omicron in case you are wondering) or in an email from a mentoree informing me they got the long sought after job that we worked hard to prepare for or – and I kid you not – as I write this post about wonder hearing ‘I wonder’ by Rodriguez on the radio. 
And just like that the dance of the universe continues.

Sat Nam

And… I have a hot/cold relationship with social media, it starts off as a good idea but at some point I come to question the worthiness of it. Why do we post what we post? It is of course about connection and some about showing off. I know I use it to either be heard or because I feel the need to share something I see but does anyone actually care! I suppose that answer lies in the amount of likes I get. However where I believe social media has triumphed is that it no longer feels like there is six degrees of separation with the folk who are more known than you or I; recently on Twitter I have been followed by Scott Maslen and over on Instagram discussed the plight of Haiti with Caroline Stanbury, Karyn Hay’s new book with Danielle Cormack (to the kiwis old enough to remember yes as in Radio with Pictures’ Karyn Hay), and the fruitlessness in Samuel L. Jackson’s comments about British black actors taking roles off African American actors with Thandie Newton. Through social media the mystery to these famous folk has gone and I think this is good, they are humans like us after all albeit humans with really shiny hair and killer wardrobes but humans all the same.

Author: akiwigirlabroad

'the universe always has your back'

53 thoughts on “i wonder

  1. Reblogged this on This Is What I Know. and commented:
    I love it when I come across something that so perfectly describes what I’m currently going through… I was treading water for a very long time, over the last six months I’ve been drowning. Now I’m letting go of fear, of hatred, of apathy and cynicism . I’m letting go of the quiet mousey girl too afraid to speak, and finally I feel free.

    A lot of people may think I have changed; I haven’t. I’m just not afraid to be my whole self. No more hiding.

    I haven’t hit the surface yet, that’s going to be a journey that takes a very long time, but I feel like now I can breathe underwater.

  2. Always enjoy your postings. Would love more. As someone who has also experienced the good stuff and the “not so good stuff” about social media, I enjoyed reading your POV. In the end, it still seems to be the best way to keep some kind of connection w/ people you care about in the 21st century. (I know all but about a half dozen of my 330 FB friends from real life.) Anyhow, enjoy your musings, keep the posts coming…

    • Yes as much as it irks me a lot of the time, you are right social media is the best way to keep up a connection – I just miss the good old days sometimes, thank you for reading x

  3. I love this

  4. Appreciate your thoughts on “paring down”. Terrific line: “where I assumed paring down would make my world smaller, it has had the opposite effect in that my life feels bigger.” Also, thank you for taking the time to read my recent post (Unsung Heroes: Service Workers”). As a newbie here, it was nice to have the post noticed.

  5. Excellent post. Yes you are heard, due to your writing style and intersting and poignant musings. Thank you for being out here to connect with.
    It is magic to wonder and there is wonder in magic. 😊

  6. I love the comment about the expansion of our world when we let go of things. Great post and you get a few likes. Can you tell me your secret lol.

    • likes – I don’t really have a strategy I write for myself and if others read my posts and like them that’s a happy bonus, hopefully I’m a half decent writer so people who do read me ‘like’ what they are reading. Also I’m a great believer in paying it forward – engage with other bloggers by following/commenting – we love feedback. Also Twitter/FaceBook… good luck x

  7. I like this post. I have been trying to pare down and simplify my life. I tend to obsess about too many things, especially people who have wronged me. I am trying to move forward with a clear mind and I am reading this post at just the right time 🙂

    • It has taken a very very long time to get here, people can really screw with your mind. I had to actually go cold turkey – from contact to no contact – I didn’t even give an explanation, and since that time I have tried to explain myself (why I needed to detox) to a few but they haven’t understood nor been able to forgive me for what they see as me abandoning them. So I have let them go and I don’t regret it, I certainly don’t miss them. Part of the letting go process was me forgiving them and me forgiving myself. And it works; walking away, letting go, forgiveness – it all actually works and the lightness you feel after… its addictive.
      The key is to build a loving supportive tribe, as long as you have this, everyone else can go screw themselves.
      You have been through so much already you don’t need negative people in your life and they certainly don’t deserve space in your thoughts. Be well my friend x 💗💃🏻➡️

      • I read this and I just keep saying “Yes” to everything you say. You are absolutely correct. My daughter and I only need supportive people. I expend too much energy on people who bring negativity and that takes away from being a supportive friend to my good friends. I know that it will probably be a long process to learn these new behaviors but I am going to do it.

        I feel like I am going to learn so much from you.

      • We will learn from each other my friend x

  8. I love this honesty! Thank you for this!

  9. I always love your posts. Your thoughts are so profound “paring down”.

  10. Love this post, I too, at most of the times, give myself to wonder, especially in this busy life we lead I escape for a while and try to make things the way I wished it would be. Stay away from negativity.
    Thank-you and keep writing.

  11. I dig your writing style.

  12. Very well narrated. Quite relatable..
    Keep writing !!😎

  13. this is such a wonderful piece! Well done. I am looking forward to reading more!! Thank you for reading my poem. Michelle 🙂

  14. I’m Amazed by the sheer opacity of someone who strikes of those words like that. You need a separate pat on the back for that. The first paragraph suggests that you are heavily into Snapchat or those Instagram stories. I maybe totally wrong. I’ll leave the verdict to you.

    Apart from that, I can totally relate to the rest of the story. I’m trying to get where you have already reached.

  15. Sorry, Audacity. I have horrible typos issue.

  16. Thanks for paring down-your honesty. It draws in more of who you are…beauty! Social media is another form of connecting and community. Glad you are a part of that in a wholesome way.

  17. I know exactly what you mean!😊

  18. Thought provoking. Sat Nam.

  19. I like how you talk about wonder. I wonder about things all the time. How things work or what life would have been like if I had made different choices or how the choices I make now will affect my life in the future.

  20. Very much as you describe, I have been through a process of letting go over the past couple of years. This was out of necessity as I was feeling overwhelmed, but just as you say, trimming back the negativity and distractions in my life as opened up my mind and my time to more positive pursuits and trains of thought, and this has been incredibly good for my mental health. I am so pleased I discovered this before I allowed myself to get lost in the vortex of an ever expanding need to keep up for ever. Thank you for your clear and inspiring writing 🙂

    • Took me 40 years to get there, 40 years of self loathing…. but now I do what it takes to stay in the feeling good vortex, to maintain my mental health. You just have to do the best by you then you can be there for others and the world in a higher capacity, that’s what I’ve learnt.

  21. I use my smartphone for everything except phoning! Ha.

  22. It was kinda a post that everyone should at least read.I found it really interesting

  23. I liked reading your blog and the fact that you don’t mind expressing an opinion.

  24. Wise and refreshing! Nice writing 😊

  25. I wonder all the time. I wonder is what gets me to where I am. I wonder is what occupies my imagination. I write cause “i wonder”

    Let Go Let God.

  26. Yes, it’s good to make space in our lives for ‘wonder’.

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