A Charmed Life

an open letter


Dear friends-who-have-children

I am not a mother.
I always assumed I would be.
But the universe didn’t see it that way.
And now, I have found peace with my reality.

I am not a mother.
But my life is not any less significant than yours just because you procreated.
And I write to you today, for the sake of our relationship, to ask for some consideration.

The same consideration I give you every time you call and then proceed to hang up two minutes into our conversation to attend to your crying child. The same consideration I give when you cancel our rare night out at the last night minute when your kid is poorly. The same consideration I give when we Face Time and you stick your little one on ‘to amuse’ me while you run around doing laundry.

Look, I get it. Your time is tight, you are sleep deprived and your priority, rightly so is your family; I understand this and I do not begrudge you your life. I don’t mind our short punctuated conversations that are mostly centered on the chaos (your word) that is your life, and I am fine having to be the one who schleps across town (or the world) to see you and it’s no problem picking up milk on my way. I don’t mind your offspring joining us as we catch up. I am happy to be the fun aunty. I will even babysit for you. I am not even bothered when your tot spills juice on my Gucci tote (well not that bothered).

But hello remember me? Please do not dismiss my life as less than. You are right I don’t know all that goes into raising a child, but please don’t say my life is easier or less complicated than yours. Understand when you had your child not only did your life change, so too did mine. I understand our relationship cannot function as it did but I need for you to spend an incey bit of that tight time considering me – we’re thinking of getting a dog, our search for a bigger house continues, I’m taking barre classes, I’m considering a career change, I heard the funniest story, I’m finally doing the business mentoring I’ve talked about for years, Orange may be in right now but it is still the most hideous colour, got tickets to see Hedda Gabler at the National remember when we had to act it out at school? I had to have a hs-CRP test to check my protein levels, what about Corrie seriously how clueless can Eileen be about yet another guy and what about that xenophobe campaigning for President in the US scary stuff  – this is my life, it all means something to me, it used to mean something to you. I need you to hear me every now and then or at least just tell me its gonna be alright. The last thing I want to do is put more pressure on you but just a little consideration please!

Love your friend-who-does-not-have-children

And Talking about scary stuff, less than two months! The most insane show on this planet comes to its climax in less than two months, then depending on the outcome we may have to endure a second show, I’ve given it a working title – The End of Everything Good. Seriously though, when you consider the candidacy for an elected official you are never going to like everything about the person. As long as we are able to think for ourselves we will always have own unique views, so voting is a process of who represents you best based on information you have. We know more about Hillary Rodham Clinton than any other candidate in any election in any country ever – FACT. I’m a fan, something I have never made a secret of but even I have been disappointed in her at times, like with her flip flopping over the years on the issue of same sex marriage (she got there in the end) so yes absolutely she is as flawed as you and I, but speaking of flaws consider the alternative. I’m not saying anything new here, however it is my duty as a concerned citizen of the world to speak up and keep speaking up for all that is pure, honest and good. Think about how Hitler rose to power and all the evil he unleashed and then consider all the similarities the GOP nominee has so far with him…  Americans, this election comes down to one question: What kind of human being are you? #I’mWithHer #YouShouldBeToo #ObamaOutHillaryIn  To know me is to know I covet Gwyneth Paltrow’s legs oops I mean wardrobe, so how excited am I she has released a clothing line and made it so accessible. Now if I can only grow longer legs! #VeryExcited #GOOPGeek  2016 the year of loss continues. Gene Wilder, oh what memories – the characters you gave us, the comedy you created especially with that other cool kid Richard Pryor pure magic. Charmian Carr – I still parade around in an imaginary gazebo, beloved Liesel forever sixteen going on seventeen. So long farewell Gene and Charmian thank you for the gems you leave us.

Author: akiwigirlabroad

'the universe always has your back'

14 thoughts on “an open letter

  1. “You just don’t understand, you’ve never had children.” Those words from a friend trip my nuclear arsenal and I’m ready to go to war. For a “friend” to say that is insensitive and infuriating. Great post.
    Re: Trump. What bothers me most about this election is the fact that Trump has so much support. It’s a sad commentary on what Americans have become. I feel like I need to apologize to the rest of the world, but the most I can do is write as much anti-Trump commentary as possible on my blog “Gabby’s Place” and vote.

    • I just had a random thought, the things he craves ~ attention/celebrity/winning. What if we were to stop talking about him and ignore him and just focus on Hillary, other candidates and the good things about America. I guess its too late but imagine what he would have done if that had been the case, he might have walked away.
      It is very concerning the hoards who support him I’ve made attempts at convos with a few and they are very clearly something akin to brainwashed. The hate they extol is too much for this peace love junkie to take in.
      Thank you for reading. Be well my friend x

      • That’s a good random thought, but yes, it’s too late now. Hillary has to walk a fine line, stay out of trouble, and continue to take the high road. She cannot lower herself into the pig sty with Trump.
        What we have now in America is a perfect storm brewing for a very nationalistic, isolationist, xenophobic election event. I disagree about the brainwashing. Trump’s supporters have always been here but have never come out of the woodwork like they are now. They are emboldened by Trump’s success and flamboyancy.

  2. Great Post! You need respect and you don’t have to ask it from your “friends”, true friends know and respect you without asking them.
    Respect for a person doesn’t dipend from his capacity to create or not things in the way the mass decides you have to do. Everything is done in a special way to interact with universe, unique and pair with others.
    On Trump: well I support Democratic Party from abroad

  3. Great post Reena

  4. Thank you for the “Like!”…….best wishes…..post on!

  5. People can be so insensitive, ask when will you have children, do you have children and why not? If you are pregnant just walk up and put their hands on you like your body is public property. You addressed this with grace and courage.
    As to the USA election we don’t all want the man who would be king and I am embrassed he has gotten so far. I fear the future. You sound lovely and are welcome to visit the desert if you make it here in your travels. Yotaki Beautywalk

  6. Wow, your words are very true, and I’m guilty of it, I revolve my life around my family and especially my son, I hardly give any time to my friends or myself. I’m sorry dear, and I’m glad that you brought this to our attention, as would be, we would just carry on as nothing is wrong, and take it for granted.

    For the election, we are I think all worried, as US does play a huge role, especially when it comes to trading.

    Love to read your blog, and here is an example where I need to make time for it, for something I love doing.

  7. While I certainly would not begrudge you of your political opines, it took away from the thrust of your post. I really was taken in by your subject, and all the examples you used to point out your relevancy…even the obviously painful. Post the political outside this exceptional write. Only a scribe’s humble opinion.

  8. A friend once said, “when people get married, they have married friends. when they have kids, they have friends with kids…etc” I balked. When I got married, I was determined to keep my old friends. Alas, while some keep in touch, I have been relegated to another planet — so its not always the married people who segregate – I don’t have kids, but I imagine its the same there too.

    Regardless of one’s relationship status, saying one thing & doing another is never acceptable. At least not to me. Once someone proves unreliable, I don’t want to spend time with them. I have less friends that way, but I thoroughly love the ones I have.

  9. very well written ! Can’t agree less with the post 🙂

  10. I loooove this.. So true. Well said I think

  11. Well said! Everyone’s life has big stuff and small stuff and chaotic stuff! All that goes into making a life and it’s ALL important and worthy. 😊

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