A Charmed Life

this kiwi girl muses about… decision making


I suffer from anxiety.
Its newish.
The residual from some shit that went down a few years ago.
I have gotten used to it.
Maybe too much.

For the most part its manageable. Except when it’s not. I find there is a very fine line between me controlling it and it controlling me. Like when it comes to making decisions. I used to be someone who would just DO, jump right in and think later. It might not sound like the smartest way to be but for the most part it was. Now life has become this myriad of thought processes. I fret about the what ifs. I wrestle with the whys. I ponder the hows. And I hate it. Its crippling and it gets in the way of the DO-ing.

In the last few months my life has been in a state of flux and I have found myself overwhelmed by the decisions that have to be made. I hear you saying ‘but sometimes decisions can be overwhelming for everyone…’ and I feel ya but I’ll raise ya, for my kind of overwhelming manifests into acute chest pain, shortness of breath and nausea and these are symptoms I am okay admitting to, there are others… I can’t be doing with it anymore. I want to get back to being a DOer with this mind here’s what is working for me right now:

Just Dance. When I was a teen my number one stress buster was to dance. I don’t mean ballet or any other professional dance although I did do that, I mean I would close my room door, crank up some tunes and dance my little butt off. As an adult, dancing has been limited to clubs or gigs but I have reintroduced dancing into my life and it just feels so damn good sometimes it’s hard to stop. So once dancing has got me all calm and happy…
I’m starting with the man girl in the mirror. Taking a long hard look at myself, with my objective hat on, I visualise the situation, my role and desired outcome. I hold this vision until I can feel it and then…
It’s the things we didn’t do that we regret later in life. I ask myself will this matter in one week, one month, one year? Will this take me closer or further away from the future I envision. This litmus test always gives me the dose of perspective I need to make the best call but ultimately…
Go with your gut. Before anxiety became my bag, I was very well acquainted with my gut. It’s why I was able to do all the DO-ing. And it is when I stopped listening to it I got myself into all kinds of trouble which resulted in my anxiety. Oh what a tangle web we weave!
Being in an anxious state makes it difficult to see the decision with clarity, so you procrastinate, deflect or ignore making a decision. The gut is the collection of all your subconscious experiences, and it always has your back so if I wanted to get back to being a DOer I had to get reacquainted with my gut. We are still getting to know each other again at this point but when I question why I have been questioning a situation at all… my gut ultimately makes the final decision for me.

Moral of my story – become besties with your gut, listen to it, trust it and follow it.

Sat Nam

Also… Prince. Marvel. Legend. Visionary. Funkmiester. Gone too soon. Another light switched off, I say another with such a heavy heart, this year has been an awful year of loss and its only May. Please stop… my heart can’t take much more. Seeing him perform at Madison Square Garden is one of my favourite gigs – the acoustics, the musicality, the vibe – he had it all going on which is why it royally pisses me off that it looks like he died a drugs related death. This was a man who was vegan, athletic, devout in his faith, principled – that a man who fought so vehemently for creative control over his work should succumb to something so friggin basic! No its not how it should have been, he wasn’t of the same pathetic ilk as Michael or Whitney. It’s all wrong. And yet it’s all true, he is gone, the man named Prince Rogers Nelson. Gone. Be still my heart. Long May He Reign. Nothing Compares.

Author: akiwigirlabroad

'the universe always has your back'

16 thoughts on “this kiwi girl muses about… decision making

  1. thank you for your honesty, I don’t have anxiety but I do procrastinate on making decisions and have often thought I should learn a better way in managing this.

  2. Probably I am going to sound super stupid, but this is how I handle things –
    1. I cannot please everybody
    2. We are all going to die anyway, so why hold back?
    3. what is worst that could happen? When I was born I had nothing, so worst case it is a do over
    I know it is easier said than done, still whatever happens “YOU WILL BE OKAY”

  3. One breath, one heartbeat, one (dance) step at a time. You’re doing great!

  4. Doesn’t it feel good to realize once and for all that your gut will never steer you wrong? Your heart? Yes. Your brain? Absolutely. But your gut? Never.

  5. Wow. I love your writing style! I came to check out your blog and expected something about personal finance since you liked my debt-free post. Your topic is so visceral to me – I suffer from anxiety too and I can totally relate. I was on meds for the last 6 months and made some major positive changes in my life. Now I’m off the meds and starting to get my self back. It does get better. You’re doing everything right – find things that bring you joy and continue DOing. Love and peace.

  6. Thanks for your positive review on my post. I came to read one or two of yours in hope to make a positive review myself and I wasn’t disappointed with how you articulate your feelings. Anxiety is not something that someone has their entire life, just because you weren’t anxious before doesn’t mean you can’t be now. But that also means you don’t have to remain anxious forever.

    Can I suggest you download an audible copy of the following book. I listened to this to help with sleep anxiety, insomnia and panic situations. It has helped me no end to understand the brain functions that go into anxiety and how to change those firings of the brain to overcome it.


    I promise you reading this will be a good step to changing your life back to the way it was before 🙂

  7. Loving your posts, thank you for sharing your journey and lessons with the world!

  8. I totally agree! Go with the gut. It’s a practice and it gets us out of our heads. You remind me to dance….. I love it too. Thank you!

  9. Thank you for liking my post on the universe. You will find some help on anxiety in my ebook and
    You can have a free look inside at the first three chapters of Evelyn Maxwell’s e-book — ISBN: 978-1-5127-2655-8 (e) at

  10. Currently acting on a gut impulse, and feeling good about it. Actively shutting the “what if” voice up whenever it starts. We’ll see how it works.

  11. Love it! A great post! New research has shed some light on the old ‘Gut feeling” that ‘gut neurons’ may indeed be responsible.

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