One week into being thirty-nine I am already being asked what I will doing for my next birthday. I have never been one for birthdays – those who know me will attest that I have an almost allergic reaction to the mere thought of my own birthday. In fact in my adulthood save my twenty-first (is that even classed as being an adult!) I have never gone out of my way to celebrate turning another year older. Furthermore there is no telling the lengths I will go to avoid my birthday; my last ‘big’ birthday (my thirtieth) saw me hiding out in an elephant sanctuary in India away from any kind of communication staying in a hut made of cow dung. And now I am at the dawn on another ‘big’ birthday and as is tradition – turning the great 4 0 apparently must be observed with some significant hoorah. And all I can think is ARGH!!!!
I have never really been able to understand my visceral reaction to my birthday but I acknowledge I have control issues – I like order – birthdays do not represent order; they represent surprises (not good for someone who has to know everything); presents (I have everything I need); and now with the use of social media birthday greetings from randoms who you once knew when you were fifteen and haven’t spoken to since. I know exactly how this comes across and I add for those nearest and dearest to me, their heartfelt sentiments never fail to bring tears to my eyes and I do spend a lot of time on my gratitude pony thanking each and every person for taking the time to think of me (see not such a cold b*tch after all).
The getting older part of the birthday concept does not bode well either mainly because I don’t feel I am – I still maintain a certain youthfulness when it comes to my attitude towards life. Having said that I do recognize – at this age – I have accomplished many of my goals, I am loving being this age – I am smarter, happier, I’m comfortable in my skin, heaven forbid I even more than like myself. So for those of you wondering what I will do for my next birthday – I am going to put that thought on ice and just enjoy being thirty-nine for a little bit longer.